From a very young age we are constantly asked the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Titles have come to define a person in today’s society, how often when people meet for the first time will the question “what do you do for a living?” be asked. By defining oneself by what one does rather than who one is a person makes themselves emotionally vulnerable to changes in their situation be it losing their job or losing their form. When a person allows one element of their life to define them as a person they have made their world far too small a place for them to be able to live in.
It is imperative in the world of sport that a person realises that their sporting self is a part of their core self and not their self in entirety. It is almost a certainty that at some point in a career a sportsman or woman will suffer a slump in form, if they believe themselves to be judged by what they do the path back to form will be so much harder than for those who understand a core self.
As an exercise I ask a player who has come to believe that their performance represents them in totality imagine they are about to race Usane Bolt over 100 metres, ask him if he expects to be able to beat the fastest man in the world over this distance, of course the answer will be no. I ask him to see himself crossing the finish line and imagine how he will feel about himself for coming a distant second in this race. Will his worth as a person have diminished as a result of this defeat, is Usane Bolt a better person for having beaten him, of course not, all that has been proven is that one person is a faster runner than the other. I then have the player imagine he is competing against Bolt in his chosen sporting discipline, if for example he is a professional golfer have him imagine he is playing one of his best ever rounds and beats Bolt by a big margin, I again ask, has his worth as a human being been improved or has Bolt’s been weakened, again no.
Staying with the golfing example, I ask the player if he is as good a golfer as Tiger Woods, unlikely, but I also ask him, especially in light of Tiger’s recent much publicised indiscretions, if he can think of anything that would show Tiger to be a better person than he.
The aim of these exercises is to have the player understand the three key qualities that he needs to develop to strengthen his core self, these three qualities are; Appreciation, Acceptance and Value. To be aware of what is without judgement or endorsement, to find delight in even the most simple of events and to be able to value that that is worthwhile. In learning these qualities the individual should be able to better perceive and value their sport as merely being part of the whole.
Byron Nelson said it helped to still his nerves to put his game into some sort of perspective. He maintained the thought that no matter what happened on the golf course he could return home and his wife would be glad to see him, and even if, for some reason or other she wasn’t, his dog would definitely still love him. A player must be helped to understand that it is absolutely fine to be disappointed with a poor performance but that the feeling must not be all encompassing and certainly has no effect on their value as a person.
It is highly unlikely that a player will have no other interest than their own sport, be it other sports, family, arts entertainment of any sort or maybe as a collector of something, players should be helped to understand that these interests or hobbies play just as vital a role in defining them as their sport, indeed outside interests are a positive help in that they provide a down time from the intense pressure of constant high performance demands. As unlikely as it is that a coach should come across a player with no other interest than their sport, in the event that they do it is imperative that they work with them to develop an interest or two and help them to see the value of it to them and their sport, and also to remind them that sport at the top level does not last a lifetime and that there needs to be life after sport.
The world will not be affected by how straight someone hits a golf ball nor the score they mark down at the end of a round, it will not go into meltdown because someone foul throws the javelin or puts an attempted drop goal wide. These are purely facts of events that may or may not be recorded somewhere but will in no way change the overall scheme of things. This cannot be an unduly difficult concept for anyone to understand and once they do they will be in a position of freedom to lose or win, but knowing either way they have given of their best and in doing so will only have enhanced their core self.
And finally, whilst my articles are written from my stance as a sports coach, this is an area that covers every part of a person’s life, if you believe your job, social standing, relationship or any other single thing defines you as a person you are in danger and should address the situation.
Golf Psychology